So, you’ve been out of the dating game for a while—whether it’s because of a long-term relationship, focusing on your career, or simply enjoying some quality “me” time. But now, you’re ready to dip your toes back in the waters of romance… only to realize you’ve forgotten how to flirt. Suddenly, the idea of making eye contact with a cute stranger feels like a Herculean task, and your go-to conversation starter is, “So… do you also like dogs?”
Don’t worry, you’re not alone. Relearning the art of flirting can be awkward and hilarious, but it doesn’t have to be a nightmare. Here’s how to get back in the game with a little more confidence (and maybe even a bit of fun).
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First Things First: What Even Is Flirting?
Before you spiral into a panic about how out of practice you are, remember that flirting is simply showing interest and having fun with someone. It’s playful, light, and doesn’t need to be perfect. Flirting isn’t about saying the right thing or having a perfect pickup line. It’s about being curious, enjoying the moment, and sharing a connection—even if it’s just a quick one.
If you think about it that way, the pressure is off. It’s not an audition; it’s just an interaction. And hey, you’ve definitely had those before, right?
The Awkward Re-Entry Into the World of Flirting
Re-entering the dating scene can feel like dusting off your dancing shoes after years of not hitting the dance floor. You may find yourself overthinking every word, gesture, and facial expression. Like, “Wait, did I just smile too much? Was that weird?” or “Was that joke too dad-like?” Spoiler alert: it’s not weird. It’s perfectly normal to feel a little rusty. Here are some steps to ease back into it.
How to Brush Off the Rust and Relearn Flirting
1. Start with Small Interactions
You don’t have to jump right into a full-on flirting mode with someone you’re interested in. Start with everyday interactions—chatting with the barista, making small talk with the person next to you in line, or even joking around with a coworker. Get used to making eye contact and adding a little extra charm to your conversations. The more you practice light-hearted banter, the easier it’ll become when you’re actually flirting.
2. Embrace Being a Bit Awkward
Guess what? You’re not going to be smooth all the time, and that’s okay. It’s actually part of the charm. Flirting doesn’t have to be perfect, and sometimes a little awkwardness can be endearing. When you’re out of practice, lean into it! If you fumble over your words or accidentally say something silly, laugh it off. There’s nothing more attractive than someone who doesn’t take themselves too seriously. Plus, it shows confidence—because you’re owning the moment, flaws and all.
3. Focus on Body Language
Flirting isn’t just about what you say; it’s also about what you do. Practice using body language to show interest. Keep your body open, lean in a little, or even mimic their movements subtly to show engagement. Making eye contact and adding a smile can go a long way in communicating that you’re interested without needing to come up with a killer line. Sometimes, a well-timed look or a playful touch on the arm says more than words ever could.
4. Use Humor as a Flirting Tool
If you’re struggling to remember how to flirt, humor is your best friend. Making someone laugh is a fantastic way to break the ice and lighten the mood. It doesn’t need to be stand-up comedy level; just letting your natural humor shine through will do the trick. Try poking fun at yourself (lightly), teasing them about something (playfully), or even joking about how bad you are at flirting. Being able to laugh together is a huge win.
5. Ask Questions (But Not Like a Job Interview)
Sometimes, when you’re out of the flirting game, conversations can start to feel like interviews—”So, where do you work? How long have you been there?” You know the drill. Instead, keep things more open-ended and fun. Try questions like, “What’s the most random fact you know?” or “If you could only eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be?” Questions like these keep the conversation playful and less like a Q&A session.
6. Give (Genuine) Compliments
Compliments can be a great way to start a flirty conversation, but make sure they’re genuine and not overly scripted. Compliment something you actually like about them—whether it’s their style, their laugh, or the way they seem to know the best spots in town. A good compliment feels personal and specific, not just “You’re hot.” It’s about noticing something that makes them unique and sharing that observation in a way that feels authentic.
Remember, It’s Not a Game—It’s Just Life
The idea of “getting back in the dating game” can make it sound like there are rules you need to follow or strategies to win. But really, flirting and dating are just part of life—something that comes naturally when you connect with people. It doesn’t have to be perfect, and it doesn’t need to happen on cue. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself to “perform.” If it doesn’t come naturally right away, that’s completely fine. You’re human, after all.
You Haven’t Lost Your Touch—You’re Just Warming Up
Being out of the dating scene for a while might make you feel like you’ve forgotten how to flirt, but the truth is, you haven’t lost your touch; you’re just warming up. The skills are still there—they just need a little dusting off. You might even find that being out of practice works in your favor because you’re approaching flirting with a fresh perspective and an open mind.
If you feel unsure, remember that flirting isn’t about being perfect or following some set formula. It’s about connection, playfulness, and being present in the moment. And if that means you accidentally trip over your words or laugh at your own joke—hey, that’s all part of the charm.
Lean On Your Confidence
Remember, you’ve lived life, gained experiences, and grown as a person since the last time you were in the dating world. You’re not the same person you were before—and that’s a good thing. You bring new layers of confidence, stories, and depth into the flirting scene. Embrace that. Lean into what makes you uniquely you, because at the end of the day, the right person will appreciate every little thing that makes you awkwardly, charmingly out of practice.
Flirting is Just the Start of the Fun
So, if you’re out at a bar or chatting with someone cute at a friend’s party, give yourself permission to be a little rusty, laugh it off, and dive in. If nothing else, it’ll be a great story to share with your friends later—“So, I totally forgot how to flirt and somehow ended up talking about my obsession with avocados.” Whether it leads to a great date or just a fun night out, flirting is meant to be a lighthearted way to share a moment, and that’s worth enjoying.
You’ve got this—awkwardness, charm, and all.
